What's The Difference Between 2.25 Man and 3.5 Man?

As I think about my own Mantris, and how to decide when a man moves from Quarter to Half to Whole to more, there's a lot that I can turn to The Four Man Plan book for, on its own, and that's great.

I'm finding that I'm struggling a bit with the 2.25 Man vs the 3.5 Man internally, even after having read the book a few times over.

So, this morning I pulled out the book again and went to the chapter about the 3.5 Man, and read what Cindy Lu's definition of the man was.

In short, without mentioning marriage or engagement or anything, there's a level of monogamous commitment on both sides of the relationship with a 3.5 Man.  A 2.25 Man, on the other hand, is a Plan Man that a 4MPer is sleeping with, yes, and monogamous with from her side, but there is no guarantee nor verbal commitment from the Plan Man's side that he, too, is being monogamous.

And of course, since according to The Four Man Plan structure, we women are not to initiate "the talk", we're also encouraged to continue keeping our Mantris filled even if we have a 2.25 man, up until the point that he initiates "the talk", or until we find that the relationship fades and another blossoms with more promise before us.

Shouldn't A 3.5 Man Commit To Engagement?

This is the thought that is going through my mind that I'm trying to reconcile in some way.

For me, it's been super easy to find a guy who wants to be in a monogamous relationship with me, but those ones that want to jump into them early on (ie: he asks to go from a Whole Man to a 3.5 Man in one fell swoop) don't tend to want to do it for healthy reasons.

This one realization makes me want to treat a 3.5 man like a marriage proposal instead of just a "commit to me, I'll commit to you, and let's see if this will work" thing.   Meaning, up until the point that we actually know that we mesh well enough to get engaged and plan our futures together both emotionally and financially, a Plan Man can get to a 2.25 status at maximum, and while I will agree to sexual fidelity, the 2.25 status is a limited time offer and either progresses to 3.5 or goes to zero.  Within what length of time?  I don't know.

Six months?  At my age, that should be enough time once we've entered into the "I won't let anyone else touch me under my clothes, just you" sexualized 2.25 phase of the game - and if a guy isn't ready to commit to more by that time, I'll need to continue with the other men on my Mantris, probably having to ramp up on getting new quarters and focusing my attention ahead and moving on, so I can squeeze him out of the Mantris completely.

At any rate, I guess I have to think about how to communicate this expectation - but not yet, since I'm not at that point, thankfully!

Three Things To Consider Before You Get Back Together With Your Ex

Love is a many splendored thing, they say.

When you're in that first flush of love, it feels wonderful, but when love cools down, or a relationship is ended completely, Love Sucks, doesn't it??!

We've all gone through break ups.  We've all been the one to instigate the break up, and we've all been the one shocked by it, at one time or another.

And even when we instigate it, by being passive-aggressive and thinking and acting in ways that destroy the sanctity of the relationship, if our partner is the one to actually say the words, we can still be pretty shocked.

Once the shock and anger and hurt has worn off, and you've taken stock of your contribution to the downfall of the relationship (instead of just blaming him for everything, which is convenient but doesn't help much), what if you reconnected with your Ex, and found that he, too, was "unencumbered" again, and obviously still enjoyed your company?

Should We Get Back Together?

The first thing you should consider before getting back together with your ex is whether it's really a good idea.  This will mean keeping your emotions under control, and taking time before agreeing to anything, so you can make sane decisions after some real thought.

Secondly, why did you guys break up in the first place?  It wouldn't hurt to take a few good hours to sit down and write a list of pro's and cons, and then ask yourself whether these things have really changed or if you're just conveniently overlooking or "hoping" for them to have.

A third important thing to remember before you go into a relationship with an ex is to clean your mental slate and start over.  Treat the relationship as if it's a new one, making new plans for the future and having new expectations of both yourself and of him, as well.  Drop everything that "used to be" part of the agreement, or re-negotiate to bring it into your new future.


And if you're doing like me, make sure you keep other Plan Men on your Mantris even while re-dating an ex - until he's initiated "the talk" and asked you to commit to a monogamous relationship with him, be sure to keep your options open so you don't get hooked in too deep too fast to another screwed up dynamic that is OH so hard to change once it gets going.

Good luck, whatever you decide!